To Be Alien.

"Hence the laughter of the women to whom he made proposals, the practical joking of his equals among men. The mockery made him feel an outsider; and in feeling and outsider he behaved like one, which increased the prejudice against him and intensified the contempt and hostility aroused by his physical defects. Which in turn increased his sense of being alien and alone."(Huxley Pg. 65)
Throughout Brave New World Bernard Marx struggles with the conflict that he feels alone and alien, as if he does not belong in this society. He feels as if everyone around him criticizes him for who he is and because of this he acts more and more like an outsider. I too feel like an outsider at times. Although I'm sure that it is nowhere near as bad as what Bernard puts up with in the book. None the less I do find myself being alone and on my own most of the time.

Life-Changing Moments

“It was a strange sensation to inexperienced youth to feel itself quite alone in the world, cut adrift from every connection, uncertain whether the port to which it is bound can be reached, and prevented by many impediments from returning to that it has quitted.” (95)

Jane is going through an extreme change in her life. For her entire life she has lived only in two places, Gateshead with her abusive aunt and cousins and then at the grim Lowood Institution. Now Jane is deciding to leave her teaching job at Lowood and start a new life as a governess at Thornfield. She has never been anywhere else in her life, and she has no idea how the people will act in other places. She doesn’t even know if she will do well at her job.

I see what Jane is saying as a metaphor for growing up, just like a young bird leaves the nest to be on its own. I had the same experiences when I first applied to Chinquapin. I had no idea of what was going to happen or if my goal of graduating from Chinquapin could even be reached. If my goal wasn’t accomplished, I would know what to do. I didn’t want to go back to public school. It would have been humiliating to go back to public school to be made fun of because I wasn’t start enough to stay there. I couldn’t go back because I refused to go back. I would just take my chances and see for myself what the future held.

When I first started attending Chinquapin, I felt that my life was beginning to change forever. Everyone I had known before went to different public schools, because they said it would be easier than Chinquapin. But I applied despite what they had to say. I got into Chinquapin not knowing anyone. I felt isolated. As a naturally shy person, I found it difficult to make friends; I would hardly talk to anyone and didn't want to be involved in any clubs. As for my old friends, I hardly ever saw them. We would talk on the phone every once in a while, but the conversations slowly died after a while. Like Jane, “I was cut adrift from every connection” (95).

As the years progressed, I slowly got used to life at Chinquapin. I gained new friends and encountered many life-changing decisions and experiences. But during stressful assignments or unpredictable drama, I sometimes wonder if I am just wasting my time at Chinquapin, making mostly B's when I could be making A's at my zoned public school. I still don't know what to do about this dilemma. I also wish that I was able to go back in time and be a child again, but I know that is never going to happen, for I can't go back to being a child both literally and figuratively. I have been a student for so long that I have forgotten how to be a child without a care in the world. And just like Jane, I am not even finished with my coming of age. I am still growing and learning every day.