Self-Conscience

“When Mrs. Fairfax had bidden me...offered me before it was earned.” (99)

This quote reminded me of how I felt during my first year at Chinquapin. Jane feels that she has finally come to a place where she can be her true self and do the things she loves without anyone judging her. She can talk and act without Mrs. Fairfax questing her. And everyone there is very kind and understanding with her. For example, when Mrs. Fair fax picked a room for Jane. She picked a room were Jane would feel comfortable.

I felt the same when I came to Chinquapin. I was scared of being judged for my looks, my intelligence, and my actions. I was scared about what my first impression would be at this school. I didn't want to look like a nerd or like weirdo. I was scared that people would make fun of me because of the things I wore because if I wore something that is not considered cool; everyone would think I'm lame and would beat me up. I was used to people at public school judging others because of their appearance. I was also scared of being too smart. At the public school I attended, my classmates made fun of me when I did my work while they played around in class. They would also depend on me to give them answers on school work. I also took care of the way I talked and acted. When I first had a conversation with my new classmates at Chinquapin, I didn't want to talk or act weird, so I was always conscious of how I acted around my classmates. I always went with the flow. I spoke like my classmates, and followed their example. I would tell my self if what I was about to say or do was accepted by my classmates.

Jane's overall first impression is that Thornfield Hall is a great place; a place where she can express her true self. In a way, Chinquapin has been my Thornfield. It has been the place where I can be my true self, the place where I can do the things I love and not have anyone judge me. A place where people are kind, they would judge someone by their actions and not by their behavior.